Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Sith Awareness Week: Darth Gollum

Today's study:

Darth Gollum.

Quite the frisky little guy. Not only is he bald, old, and ugly, but he is rumored to have a most dangerous apprentice. Indeed, his is a name to be feared.

His apprentice and soft-sided alter ego is the more childish, carefree version of Darth Gollum; Darth Smeagol. However, the dark side comes in many forms. Smeagol held the brains and the prankster side of the duo, whilst Darth Gollum kept to looking ugly and telling his apprentice how worthless he was. The two were like brothers...brothers who shared a body. No wonder they had issues...

Well, back in the day when these two ran free, reaking havock on everything they came into grasp of, everyone was warned to keep their barbie dolls, action figures, One Rings To Rule Them All(TM), and loin cloths locked safely and tightly behind some sort of barricade. All these items, if not hidden carefully, would mysteriously disappear throughout the course of the night. Following clue to clue, people came to the conclusion that the villian behind the theft was none other than the "village idiot", Gollum. This was shortly before he and his apprentice were seduced to the dark side.

Smeagol, the softie of the two, was tired of getting thrown around and spat upon, so when he saw an advertisement to come to the Dark Side, he couldn't resist. If the Dark Side could make him look like that, then he was in. This was when Gollum, the steroid-junky of the duo, was born.

Unfortunately for that silly Sith Lord, no such thing occured. He never learned how to tap dance, much less look good in a cape. His alter ego, Gollum took over, claiming to be the Sith Lord to rule all Sith Lords, and he forced Smeagol to become his apprentice on pain of dark side super force wedgies--a painful punishment.

Though they at first seemed like an unstoppable team, their partnership began to break when Gollum tried to steal Smeagol's prize Barbie doll. Things just weren't the same after that.

Eventually, both were slain by the hand of a brave Jedi, who pushed the Sith duo into the firey depths of Mustofar.

Not a single Barbie doll, action figure, One Ring to Rule Them All!(TM), or loin cloth went missing after that.


Blogger jedisiri said...

wow my precious!

12:50 AM  
Blogger Chancellor Palpatine said...

Just get's more and more interesting....

Can I get this on CD to download into my Sith holocron?

Great job, BTW!

8:54 AM  
Blogger flu said...

Beware those that speak of themselves in the third person, says Fluke.

10:45 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Paply, you should wait for the extra-special super bonus DVD to come out.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Leia said...

Too bad he never learned to put on pants.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Dinorider d'Andoandor said...

I find Darth Gollum really disturbing.... ewww!

7:41 PM  
Blogger marissa said...

that funny darth silly can't learn tap dance (Lol):D

2:04 AM  
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