Sith Awareness Week: Darth Wayne

Though few of you might know it, today is Monday, August 22, 2005, the first official day of Sith Lord Awareness week. I, having studied up on Sith in the archives, have the obligation of informing and making the public aware as to what sort of threats are floating around in our universe. Therefore, each day of this week, I will be informing you of the many Sith Lords that try and fail at taking over the Galaxy.

Today, I'll brief you on:













Darth Wayne.

Some know him as Bruce Wayne. Some know him as Batman. Others call him just plain Brucey. Don't be fooled by his heroic appearance or cunning name, however. He's a deadly one.

I came across his name while I was flipping through the Jedi archives. Interesting stuff, I had thought, so I decided to study up on him.

Though he was hailed as a hero to some system called "Gotham", few knew of his true nature. This guy was a cruel and viscious Sith Lord. The Dark Side clung to him like a booger on the wall--it wasn't going anywhere. He often would sit in his chambers with his apprentice, Darth Robin, plotting ways to rule the galaxy. Again, they're going for the hero-in-spandex look. Another one of the Dark Side's evil tricks.

I remember when I was but a youngling, and the older padawans would tell stories as fat as a bantha's rump to try and scare the younger ones into believing that Darth Wayne and his apprentice would come and mercilessly slaughter us. That, of course, would be why so many young padawans had a bed-wetting problem at the time.

None of us really believed the stories. How could a man dressed like a foreign mammal possibly be able to wield a lightsaber? Much less, move around so freely in such a restricting costume known to give unbearable wedgies to the wearer without notice? It was just fun for a good scare.

One night, however, our fears were tested. Mine were, at least. I was tucked safely into my bed with My Little Pony(TM) and my stuffed coffee bean, ready for a full night's rest. It was then that I heard something at my window. Being the stupid, curious, cute little Twi'lek that I was, I got up, leaving behind my stuffed treasures, to see what the origins of the sound were. I had a small suspicion it was the neighboring Jedi, who enjoyed rubbing his bare bum against my window on the occasion just to get on my nerves. I was ready to brand that bum.

Fortunately, and unfortunately, it wasn't him. There was a much larger duff facing my window, but it was covered in a black material of some sort. A very thin black material, at that. You could see every fat line through that thing.

I was frightened to see this larger-than-me backside, so I ducked down next to the window to see what was going on. All I can remember was spotting the malicious face of him....then I ran away as fast as my little feet could carry me.

I never found out what he was doing there, and I probably never will. I just know I wouldn't look forward to ever seeing Darth Wayne ever again...