Shortly before I came to Tatooine, I do seem to remember taking a glance through the old photo album again. It's been awhile since I've shared the "family photos", so here's some eye candy for you:
Jar Jar playing innocent after letting some gas loose, while poor Uncle Quiggy tries to ignore the foul stench.
Obi-Wan before he ditched the mullet and grew a beard. *Sigh* ...He's so dreamy...
No Windu, no.
Master Yoda caring for Qui-Gon shortly after he was born.
I took this at J.J.'s housewarming party after Anakin had had a few cold ones, and he decided to dress up in Padme's clothing.
Obi-Wan, going through the "rebel" stage most young padawans experience. Here, he is sporting pigtails and a tattoo that reads "fragile".
I'm not sure where or how I got this, but it looks like a projection hologram of Anakin, Master Yoda, and some old guy who bears a striking resemblance to Obi-Wan. Perhaps it's his father?
Fluke, building his tribute to Master Yoda at the annual Dagobah sculpture contest.
J.J. in the "Star Wars"(still not sure what it is)aisle of Wal-Mart, before he got into the whole Jawa-robe thing.
Fluke having a "special moment" with Leia...
Trust me, there's a lot more where that came from.
I left the comforting shelter of our R & R cave last night to get some fresh air after awakening from a rather frightening dream. I'm surprised nobody else was awakened by my disturbance, because I'm pretty sure I stepped on a number of different body parts on my way out.
Said dream had me shaking in my tentacles. In my distracted stage of shock, I nearly walked into the cave wall, which nearly knocked down the stash of cold ones, which nearly woke everyone else up.
I suppose you would like to know the finer details of my horrid nightmare. Here's a play by play:
It was a beautiful day, as far as the smog-filled atmosphere of Coruscant goes.
Too bad I was stuck on toilet-duty.
The shifts are supposed to change from Jedi to Jedi "randomly", but I get the feeling the whole system is rigged. I had never seen Master Windu stuck in the bathrooms scrubbing potties. Come to think of it, no one from the Jedi Council(save for Obi-Wan)had ever gotten toilet-duty. I made a mental note to bring it up at my next summoning.
Not that using a poo-covered toothbrush isn't a glorious pastime. It's just that I'd thought the council would have been able to scrape up a better means by which to clean the potties. They couldn't possibly be on such a low budget, that all they could afford was a toothbrush labeled "OB.1.K.OB"(must be a brand or something). Maybe it's all just some sort of training.
As I was roaming from one toilet to the next, I could have sworn I heard somebody singing. I thought nothing of it at the time. I had convinced myself it was Master Windu's radio, which he sometimes carries with him to listen to on the potty. Occassionally, he'll forget it and leave it in the stall.
As I drew nearer to the source of the music, I was getting more and more annoyed by the sound of it. Finally, I came to the point where I could take it no longer. After seeing no feet beneath the stall walls, I burst through the unlocked stall door of the middle stall. It was then that I saw the most petrifying horror one's eyes could behold.
What he was doing there, I'll never know, but a nothing-but-undies Anakin was standing on top of the toilet seat, singing at the top of his lungs, as well as doing some weird little jig. It reminded me of something I had seen on Barney as a child. He stopped in mid-song as soon as he saw me. "Oh, do you not like this song? Here, I'll do my 'If Only You Knew the Power of the Dark Side of my Love' routine!"
Then I woke up. Thank the force. If I had continued to dream, who knows what would have happened in the potty room of doom.
Anyways, after a long walk outside, I managed to "shake it off". I couldn't go back to sleep, however, so I took a short trip to the Ooteeni's camp to "decorate it" with a few rolls from their toilet paper stash. I felt better after that, and I returned to our camp to get a full night's rest.
My laptop and I were spending some quality time today(not searching on Ebay to order things to cheat with on Survivor:Tattooine, mind you. I'd never do something like that!). Well, anyways, I came across an interesting website. It said it would take your picture online! I never knew that such technology existed, so of course, I had to give it ago. The results shocked me..
You'll need to scroll down..
Are you sure you want to see it?
It's actually quite ridiculous...
Like that one time the Jedi Council played an April Fool's Day prank on me..
I remember it so clearly...
It was really quite mean...
They duct taped me to my wall in my sleep...
It's not my fault that I'm a heavy sleeper...
Anyways...here it is:
I get the feeling it's supposed to be a joke...but...
I don't really look like that, do I?
Off to Tatooine
After finally ridding myself of my aunt and her bantha herd(once again, I'm terribly sorry, Uncle Dooks), I've recieved an invitation to head over to Tatooine for awhile. In fact, a lot of the other Jedi in the temple have as well. We're going to be competing in the Jawa-hosted Survivor:Tatooine™. I'm so excited!
Since we're only allowed the clothes on our back, a lightsaber, and a luxury item, I don't need to worry about packing. All I need to worry about is what luxury item to bring. So far, I've got it narrowed down between two items: my coffee maker and the ice cream truck my aunt left at my place. I think the ice cream truck would be preferrable, considering it can provide shade(not to mention ice cream).
Anyways, I'm so glad I was placed in the Mabbitt tribe. Not only is Mabbit a fun word to say, it's also the name of my cousin's ex-boyfriend's mom's wookie's vet's baby's toy doll. How cool is that? I also get to be on the same team as my boyfri--er....I mean, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
I'm quite happy with the way our team turned out. Fluke rescued me from Jabba one time, so he should be a great guy to be around for such a long period of time. We also get Qui-Gon, whose brownies, I'm sure, will keep us going. Palps and Grievous...I suppose can live with them for awhile without *accidently* hurting either of them.
And Leia! Glorious, wookie-sending Leia! This will definitely be fun.
Oh, and who could forget Jar Jar? Thank the force we have the comic relief on our team(though I heard somewhere that they were the first to go.)
Well, I'd better be off now. Wish me luck on Survivor:Tatooine™!
My aunt has yet to give up the fight for the position as my "roomie." There's no way I'm letting her back in. Besides, the injured Obi-Wan's staying here, and I'm worried about the effect her banthas will have on his health.
Aunt Aggie's slipped a few death threats written on paper beneath my door, some demanding her ice cream truck, other demanding to be let in. I'm not falling for it. Besides, the baby wookie(Anastasia--I'm not a big fan of her name, so I call her Anya) Leia sent me likes to play WWF Smackdown with Kenobi inside of it--Anya usually wins. It's kind of cute, actually. She ends up standing on his head, shouting something about him being the first to go when she takes over the universe. Kids say the darndest things.
Anyways, seeing as we're trapped in here, I've had plenty of time to think of ways to rid myself of my aunt. Obi's been quite helpful.
Me: "What do you think I should do?"
Obi-Wan: "Wrbbblllle?" *druel*
Me: *giggle* "No, I mean about my aunt."
Obi-Wan: *stupid grin* "Brrrwaar!"
Me: "Too obvious.."
Obi-Wan: *another stupid grin* "Mwuaaaaii?"
Me: "Makes sense. She does need a man."
So, we've decided to give her a picture of Count Dooku. I know she was a big fan of his back when he was a rock star, so she'll probably leave immediately to pursue him.
I feel kind of guilty doing what I did to Aunt Aggie...but then again..
List of Grievances:
I lost track after that.Well, this morning, I had decided that I'd had enough. After my aunt had gone out with her banthas to allow them to raid Obi-Wan's cheeto stash(seeing as he wasn't there), I locked her out.
- She fed my freshly grown coffee beans to Franford.
- She left her knickers on my pillow. (Must be a new trend, leaving underpants at my place)
- The broken sink.
- The tiny advanced civilization growing in the bantha hair clogging my bathtub drain.
- Her annoying habit of eating with her toes.
- The way she rides her banthas around the living room.
- Last night, she had her second-favorite bantha, Alejandro, stand on the kitchen table to tap dance.
- The Alejandro-shaped hole in the middle of my kitchen table.
I think I've made her angry. I keep hearing things banging(quite loudly and obnoxiously) againts my walls, as well as my door. Also, I'm pretty sure I heard some vulgar language. I dare not try to leave.
I'm a bit trapped. She's got banthas at every window and door, and I don't want to hurt her, or her pets. A little help?
My dear Auntie Aggie lives in a remote area on Tatooine, so she never gets to see much of anyone. She is currently residing in an abandoned ice cream truck with her bantha farm. Today, however, she decided to bring all of her banthas, as well as the ice cream to my place. It would appear that word got out to her that my room is completely remodeled.
Don't get me wrong, I love the lady to pieces.
Who couldn't love a face like that?
..But, sometimes she can get just the teensiest bit annoying, especially when she randomly decides to temporarily move in with me(She always says she'd only be visiting for a few days..she ends up living with me for a month or so.). She doesn't do this to anyone else in our family. Perhaps I'm her favorite?
Well, it all began when I arrived home from the Coruscant Spa(Padme always drags me along with her when she goes). I was greeted by the smell of wet bantha fur. At first I thought that Mace had left another one of his robes in my closet in exchange for some of my clothing, but then I heard some noise coming from the bathroom.
"You're a smelly bantha, yes you are! Yes you are, my wittle iggy biggy Franford...No..no! Don't touch that! Aayla will--" "Oops.."
There, in my bathroom, bathing one of her prized banthas in my bathtub was Aunt Agatha. Only Franford had escaped from the tub...and had torn my sink from the wall. In attempts to draw my attention from the broken sink, my aunt greeted me with a spine-crushing hug.
"Lala! You've grown so much since I've last seen you!" she squealed. Lala. I've always disliked that nickname.
So many things went through my mind right then, some of which being-
'Oh no. She did not just call me fat.' As well as, 'Is that my toothbrush in her hair?' and, 'Is that Vibro Axe she's wearing?'
Anyways, I didn't want to be rude or unwelcoming to her, so I just smiled and nodded like an ewok in front of an oncoming speeder.
"I hope you don't mind my dropping by. I'll only be staying for a few days." See? Told you. I had the feeling I'd have to get used to Auntie Agatha and her banthas.
The sink incident wasn't even the half of it. When I went to my closet to get my pajamas for bed, I couldn't find them. It must have been because her ice cream truck was stuffed inside there. How it got in there, I'll never know.
Also, just as I was about to go to sleep, I found my *dear* auntie snuggled up in my bed with one of her banthas. The others, including Franford were scattered about on the other furniture, as well as the floor. That left one place for me to sleep--outside.
I don't think I can take this much longer...and she's only been here a few hours.
While I was on my way to JawaJuice's place to stea--er..I mean..buy..a few of Uncle Jinn & J.J.'s Homemade Super Fudgy "Special Spiced" Brownies(which, by the way, I am by no means addicted to or anything)when something fell down from somewhere above me and hit the windshield of my speeder. It startled me quite a bit, and the Cocoa Vanilla Chip Latte smoothie I was drinking splattered everywhere. Don't ever spill one of those. It gets in places you didn't realize it could get--such as the fuzzy dice you may have hanging from your rearview mirror. Anyways, I wasn't too happy about this. I was cruising open-hooded, so the smoothie got on the exterior of the car--which I had just gotten waxed.
Well, the first thing I saw after the mess of my Cocoa Vanilla Chip Latte smoothie was this...cat-like thing on my windshield.
I then felt a sudden urge to slaughter sand people and younglings. Fortunately, the temptation passed as the kitten flew off my speeder due to acceleration.
Now, I have a Cocoa Vanilla Chip Latte smoothie scented speeder.
I've determined that felines are of the Dark Side.
Remember that coffee plant that uncle Qui-Gon gave to me? Well, it's grown quite a bit within this short time since I've recieved it. I think it may be because I don't water it. I coffee it. Seeing as it is a coffee plant, it only makes sense.
Well, anyways, I can now extract the coffee beans that grow on it to make my own special blend of coffee! It isn't all that strong yet, but I'm thinking I could start my own business with it or something. I may hold off awhile to manufacture it until it grows a bit bigger--kind of like I held off on naming it. I've decided to name it Starbucky(not after Fluke, of course, but after the coffee shop. Sorry, Fluke!)
Maybe I could annex my business with J.J. and Qui-Gon...I'll definitely have to speak with them about this..
Time to Cheer Up
I slept in yesterday, seeing as my wake-up call of Fluffy biting me on the nose was not going to occur anymore. I spent most of that morning sulking...that is, until Obi-Wan came by. He had brought a little Ewok named "Dude" over to cheer me up. At first it was kind of cute, but then it started eating the carpet and everything in my refridgerator. It also decided to take a swim in the aquarium. Not cool, Dude.
Well, sometime during the visit, the little fellow went off somewhere. I was still a bit glum, and even more so at the sight of my half-eaten carpet, so Obi-Wan took me out "clubbing" in downtown Coruscant. It wasn't a date or anything...just something to do to cheer me up.
The place we went to reaked of wet bantha fur...He said the smell would fade after a few cold ones. He sure knows a lot relating to beer. Anyways, as we were sitting down, a strange little man hobbled up to our table and looked straight at Obi-Wan. In a hissy, gargly voice, he asked, "Wanna buy some death sticksss?"
"You don't want to sell me death sticks."
"I don't wanna sell you death sticksss.."
"You want to give me death sticks."
"Here, have some death sticksss."
At first, I was appalled that he had used a Jedi Mind Trick to get free death sticks, but he later showed me that death sticks make very nice plant fertilizers. I had no idea that he knew anything about gardening.
After a few hours out on the city, we went back to the temple. I had to admit, the trip did keep my mind off of Fluffy. Thanks, Obi-Wan!
Glamor Shots and Public Transportation Woes
Slumber Party: the Morning After
Wow. And I mean W-O-W. Wow. I suppose it's hard to catch all the little details about the slumber party, so I'll give you an outline.
4 PM: Obi-Wan arrived a bit early...four hours early to be exact. I hadn't seen him in awhile, so I didn't expect to see him as baked as a potato. Yum...I mean..yum about the potato. Yeah. Potatos. I love potatos. He was also quite beefed up...I suspected he was taking steroids, but those are against the Jedi code.
He had brought along a bunch of goodies(not, of course, referring to the tan and masculinity), some of which being hula hoops...so we played "throw the hoop over the beer can"--which, let me tell you, is a lot harder than it looks.
5 PM: Yoda arrived to "inspect" the place before the party. He went into the bathroom for awhile first. I could have sworn I heard water running, as well as a muffled voice singing "Rubber ducky, the one, you are..." During this time, Obi-Wan whipped out the twister mat. I still wasn't comfortable with playing that game (ever since my spat with the wookies), but he was very convincing (puppy dog eyes, pretty-pleases..you know..all that jazz). Yoda soon came back out, a bit wet. He claimed the title of "spinner" yet again. For some reason, Obi-Wan kept knocking me over. He apologized by saying, "Guess I don't know my own strength."
6 PM: Jawa arrived early as well, saying he needed some help with unloading food. He brought a whole Jawawagon full of baked goods. Where he had the time to bake all those, I'll never know. He said something about Qui-Gon baking it all, which I think is ridiculous. Dead people can't cook. He also kept talking to himself. Maybe he's spent a bit too much time by himself.
It took us about half an hour to finish unloading and setting the food somewhere.
6:30 PM: We blindfolded Yoda and played "Pin the Illegally Pirated Merchandise on the Jawa".
7 PM: Padme and Sabe also arrived early. Sabe said that Padme wanted some extra time to "spruce herself up", so they went straight to the mirror in the bathroom. I guess that's all the rage....arriving early to use my bathroom. Now, it was still an hour before the party actually began, and since I had early company, I handed everyone a feather duster to do some last-minute cleaning. Obi-Wan looked like he was having trouble, because he kept straining himself to reach around things every time I came near...it kinda looked as if he were flexing. I'm still confused as to why he would need to flex to dust. Weird.
7:45 PM: Padme and Sabe came back out. They had matching fuzzy pink pajamas. Twinkies!
8 PM: Leia, Fluke, Anakin, and Mace arrived. Mace was wearing a cone on his head that said "Happy Birthday!". I guess he forgot his wig or something. Anyway, Fluke brought a giant stereo system, which he temporarily installed almost as soon as he walked in the door. He explained he wanted us to listen to Dooku's first rock album. I think he just wanted to play air guitar, but hey, they both led to the same thing--a rather large argument between he and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan wanted to play classical music, and Fluke wanted Dooku's rock.
It's a good thing Yoda was there to supervise, otherwise things would have gotten out of hand. He sent them both to time out.
Leia went to join Padme and Sabe, who kept glancing in Anakin's direction and giggling. I think it was because he had found Obi-Wan's case of beer and hula hoops. He jumped onto a table and started hula hooping while trying to balance a bottle of bud light on top of his head.
8:15 PM: Obi-Wan and Fluke were allowed out of time out, and at this time, Han, Chewbacca, Bariss, and Siri arrived. Mace then took poor Siri against her will and gave her a piggy back ride around the temple. Bariss & I joined Padme, Siri, and Leia to play limbo...We couldn't find a pole, so we had Anakin and Obi-Wan hold Fluke up.
Han caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass of a beer bottle and stopped to admire himself for awhile.
Chewbacca went to play checkers with Yoda.
8:30 PM: Obi-Wan and Anakin started ramming their heads against the aquarium to see who could break through first. In attempt to make them stop, I threw one of Jawajuice's platters of cookies at them. It was then that Obi-Wan and Anakin simuntaniously yelled "Food fight!". I didn't mean to start one, but I guess what goes around comes around. Food went flying everywhere. It was around this time that Mace and Siri got back. Siri immediately went running to Padme( who was taking shelter from the food fight behind the couch) to get away from Mace. Amazingly, she didn't get hit by any food.
9 PM: Jar Jar arrived a bit late. He was greeted at the door with a cupcake..in his face. He then went to hide somewhere until the food flinging was done. When it was, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Jar Jar had a contest to see who could eat the most of the food on the floor from the food fight. It was kind of gross, but if it means less of a mess I have to clean up later, I'm (as Anakin would say) "down with it".
10 PM: Dooku arrived, saying something about trying to evade a "Lord Sidious" in order to get there. He then caught sight of the stereo and ran over to it to turn on some waltz music. He grabbed Mace, and they began to dance. I thought it to be quite humorous. When the song ended, Dooku ordered the rest of us (with blue sparks emitting from the ends of his fingertips) to find a partner and waltz. It didn't take long for everyone to jump up and waltz. Fluke began to approach me, but Obi-Wan took a running dive to push him aside. Let me tell you, Obi-Wan is a horrible dancer(don't tell him I said that). He kept stepping on my feet and bumping into other people.
Anakin and Padme, on the other hand, seemed to really know what they were doing. I never would have thought Anakin to be able to waltz..
10:30 PM: Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator made a special appearance. Padme, Sabe, and Leia started screaming like crazed fangirls, and they practically tackled him to ask for his autograph. Anakin slumped down in a couch to pout/give Jon menacing glares.
It was at this time that Bariss contacted Qui-Gon with that board game thing she brought, or whatever it was. Qui-Gon kind of just floated around, shouting "Boo!" when he came behind someone.
11 PM: Jon left in a hurry to evade Padme, Sabe, and Leia. Pity...it must be difficult being an Intergalactic Gladiator. Things started to settle down, so Mace ran over to the DVD player to put in his favorite DVD--The Notebook. I just knew someone would bring it. All of us females and Mace were sprawled out right in front of the TV...well, Obi-Wan joined us. He did this weird yawn thing that ended up with his arm around my shoulder. I'm sure that was accidental.
Fluke, Jar Jar, Han, Chewbacca, Anakin, Yoda, Dooku, and Jawajuice weren't big fans of The Notebook, so they shied away to play Red Rover. Qui-Gon's transluscent body just kind of hung in between. Poor guy. He looked kind of torn between watching The Notebook and playing Red Rover.
1 AM: The Notebook ended, and by this time, Siri(it was way past her bedtime anyway) and Sabe had fallen asleep. The Red Rover Group had started up a game of Hide-and-Seek, so the rest of us went to hide. Han was it. I think he peeked while he was counting, because he found everybody within the minute.
2 AM: The cold ones were brought out again, and everyone was quite "party-harty". Except for those sleeping--who were now Siri, Sabe, Chewbacca, and Jar Jar(in the aquarium..how he got there, I'll never know). It was around this time that things started getting fuzzy. I do seem to remember Anakin stripping down to his underpants and yelling "Undie bowling!", however.
3 AM: The room started spinning at this time, and I'm pretty sure that there were scottish folks in kilts running about...or maybe that was just Obi-Wan and Mace...I'm still not sure.
3:30 AM: I think I fell asleep at this time.
As you can see, that was quite the kicking party. I'm not sure what happened after I fell 3:30, but I woke up in a coat hanging from a hanger in my closet, and I'm pretty sure I didn't fall asleep in there.
I'm positive I missed some interesting things that went on...can anyone else recall some amusing anecdotes?