Aayla's Blog

Sith Awareness Week: Darth Hidious

2005-08-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

This guy actually has a very interesting story that brought him about.

Today's Sith Lord:

Darth Hidious;

Also known as Mace Windu's evil twin. Or clone. Whichever you prefer.

----

Quite some years ago, back when Master Windu had hair, he was pressured with the oh-so-many burdens of being upon the council(not to mention sitting there, looking constipated all the time. That's got to be difficult.). He had those "being in touch with the feminine side" classes that he instructed, as well as the duty sitting in his council chair, looking important. Sometimes, his duty required him to do both. Unfortunately, he couldn't just tear himself in half like the gingerbread man and be in two places at once.

Secretly, Master Windu left the Jedi temple for an "extended vacation" to head to Kamino, where he payed a handsome price of pocket lint for a clone to be created of himself. Of course, he had to have his hair shaved off, in order for the cloning process to work. He doubted this, however, for the Kamino inhabitant put the hair in his pocket, rather than in the machine.

It didn't take long for Master Windu's new twin to arise. However, the man wasn't quite what Mace was hoping for. He was exactly the opposite of what he wanted--he was rude, and he somehow managed to get ahold of a red lightsaber.

We all know what this means. Everyone knows how Master Yoda feels about the color red...he hated it. So Windu took his clone out to the farthest planet in the outer rim he could find, dumped him off, and left.

It wasn't long before rumors began speculating about a hidious-looking man, successfully taking over the planet of Hoth...not that there was much there to begin with, but taking over a planet can prove to be quite difficult.

When the council began to suspect something, Mace journeyed out to Hoth to confront himself. There, the two clashed lightsabers until Master Windu managed to sever his clone's head from its body...or perhaps the opposite could have happened. You never know.

Sith Awareness Week: Darth Mrow

2005-08-24T22:49:00.000-05:00

What started as an admiration for a higher Sith Lord morphed into a disasterous turn events that led this innocent creature to the Dark Side.

Darth Mrow.

Formerly a Jedi, this little fellow was the underdog, or dare I say, undercat, of his peers. Frequently looked down upon because he wasn't as talented of a Jedi feline as Master Puss, he began to make his name known in the temple in the only way he possibly could--puns, pranks, and the like.

It was around this time that Darth Maul, and his Master, Darth Sidious appeared. Mrow had an admiration for the two Sith, especially Darth Maul. He envied the creative pattern of the Sith's face, so he tatooed a similar pattern onto his own face. Of course, none of the other Jedi thought very highly of his new look. Enraged, Mrow took to making nightly raids of the temple, in which he would carefully paint interesting patterns upon the sleeping Jedi's faces. Perhaps, he had thought, this will help them appreciate the beauty of this art.

Master Yoda certainly didn't appreciate it.

Mrow was devistated, angry, and most of all, lonely. Most at the temple avoided him. Feeling out of place, Mrow left the Jedi Temple without warning one day, in hopes to find his hero; Darth Maul. He had no luck, for by the time Mrow had tracked him down, Maul was already dead.

It was at this point that Mrow accepted an invitation from Darth Sidious to form an apprenticeship. It didn't last long, however, for almost as soon as Darth Mrow had been turned, he was picked up by Plabba the hutt and named "Fuzzy" whilst on an errand for his Master. Nobody had ever heard from Mrow ever since.

Perhaps he didn't pose much of a threat. Perhaps he did. Perhaps Plabba had some sort of plan to train the feline to take down thousands of Jedi. Or Perhaps he was just lonely and wanted a pet.

Only time will tell. Keep an eye out for Darth Mrow.

Sith Awareness Week: Darth Gollum

2005-08-23T22:34:00.000-05:00

Today's study:

Darth Gollum.

Quite the frisky little guy. Not only is he bald, old, and ugly, but he is rumored to have a most dangerous apprentice. Indeed, his is a name to be feared.

His apprentice and soft-sided alter ego is the more childish, carefree version of Darth Gollum; Darth Smeagol. However, the dark side comes in many forms. Smeagol held the brains and the prankster side of the duo, whilst Darth Gollum kept to looking ugly and telling his apprentice how worthless he was. The two were like brothers...brothers who shared a body. No wonder they had issues...

Well, back in the day when these two ran free, reaking havock on everything they came into grasp of, everyone was warned to keep their barbie dolls, action figures, One Rings To Rule Them All(TM), and loin cloths locked safely and tightly behind some sort of barricade. All these items, if not hidden carefully, would mysteriously disappear throughout the course of the night. Following clue to clue, people came to the conclusion that the villian behind the theft was none other than the "village idiot", Gollum. This was shortly before he and his apprentice were seduced to the dark side.

Smeagol, the softie of the two, was tired of getting thrown around and spat upon, so when he saw an advertisement to come to the Dark Side, he couldn't resist. If the Dark Side could make him look like that, then he was in. This was when Gollum, the steroid-junky of the duo, was born.

Unfortunately for that silly Sith Lord, no such thing occured. He never learned how to tap dance, much less look good in a cape. His alter ego, Gollum took over, claiming to be the Sith Lord to rule all Sith Lords, and he forced Smeagol to become his apprentice on pain of dark side super force wedgies--a painful punishment.

Though they at first seemed like an unstoppable team, their partnership began to break when Gollum tried to steal Smeagol's prize Barbie doll. Things just weren't the same after that.

Eventually, both were slain by the hand of a brave Jedi, who pushed the Sith duo into the firey depths of Mustofar.

Not a single Barbie doll, action figure, One Ring to Rule Them All!(TM), or loin cloth went missing after that.

Sith Awareness Week: Darth Wayne

2005-08-22T18:19:00.000-05:00

Though few of you might know it, today is Monday, August 22, 2005, the first official day of Sith Lord Awareness week. I, having studied up on Sith in the archives, have the obligation of informing and making the public aware as to what sort of threats are floating around in our universe. Therefore, each day of this week, I will be informing you of the many Sith Lords that try and fail at taking over the Galaxy.

Today, I'll brief you on:

Darth Wayne.

Some know him as Bruce Wayne. Some know him as Batman. Others call him just plain Brucey. Don't be fooled by his heroic appearance or cunning name, however. He's a deadly one.

I came across his name while I was flipping through the Jedi archives. Interesting stuff, I had thought, so I decided to study up on him.

Though he was hailed as a hero to some system called "Gotham", few knew of his true nature. This guy was a cruel and viscious Sith Lord. The Dark Side clung to him like a booger on the wall--it wasn't going anywhere. He often would sit in his chambers with his apprentice, Darth Robin, plotting ways to rule the galaxy. Again, they're going for the hero-in-spandex look. Another one of the Dark Side's evil tricks.

I remember when I was but a youngling, and the older padawans would tell stories as fat as a bantha's rump to try and scare the younger ones into believing that Darth Wayne and his apprentice would come and mercilessly slaughter us. That, of course, would be why so many young padawans had a bed-wetting problem at the time.

None of us really believed the stories. How could a man dressed like a foreign mammal possibly be able to wield a lightsaber? Much less, move around so freely in such a restricting costume known to give unbearable wedgies to the wearer without notice? It was just fun for a good scare.

One night, however, our fears were tested. Mine were, at least. I was tucked safely into my bed with My Little Pony(TM) and my stuffed coffee bean, ready for a full night's rest. It was then that I heard something at my window. Being the stupid, curious, cute little Twi'lek that I was, I got up, leaving behind my stuffed treasures, to see what the origins of the sound were. I had a small suspicion it was the neighboring Jedi, who enjoyed rubbing his bare bum against my window on the occasion just to get on my nerves. I was ready to brand that bum.

Fortunately, and unfortunately, it wasn't him. There was a much larger duff facing my window, but it was covered in a black material of some sort. A very thin black material, at that. You could see every fat line through that thing.

I was frightened to see this larger-than-me backside, so I ducked down next to the window to see what was going on. All I can remember was spotting the malicious face of him....then I ran away as fast as my little feet could carry me.

I never found out what he was doing there, and I probably never will. I just know I wouldn't look forward to ever seeing Darth Wayne ever again...

A Visit From the Master of Magic

2005-08-20T15:05:00.000-05:00

Not too long ago, Master Yoda had hired a magician to entertain to younglings, seeing as they had been behaving well recently and hadn't been following Obi-Wan's examples. Naturally, I had to see what sort of show this magician would put on, so I slipped into the room to watch.

When I saw a costumed man squatting nearby while sifting through a colorful bag, I was undoubtingly surprised.

"Fluke?"

He looked a little bit disoriented, and he set aside whatever it was he was digging through. He seemed to regain his composure, so he stood up and addressed me, "I don't know who you're talking about, miss. I am Flukizmo! Master of Magic!"

He didn't look like a Master of Magic to me. More like spandex gone wrong. "Sure you are...you came to see the show, too?"

"Nah! I came to perform."

"..I thought it was going to be a magic show...not a sad comedy routine."

He folded his arms across his chest and pouted. "Now wait just a darned tootin' minute! You haven't even seen my show!"

"I doubt I'll need to see it to know whether or not you're a good magician.."

He held up a hand to silence me. "Just watch!" He then spun around to march up to the front of the room, but paused in mid-turn to glance back in my direction. "...Please?"

He didn't have to ask; I wouldn't have missed this for a box full of Uncle Quigs's brownies. "I'm watching," I replied.

A grin stretched across his cheeks, and he stumbled up to the front of the room, where a few items of magic were placed, to face his audience--which at that point in time was a large group of younglings, Yoda, and myself. The crowd would soon multiply.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Fluke greeted as he made eye contact with a few younglings, "prepare to be dazzled, amazed, and stepped upon, as Flukizmo! Master of Magic prepares to dazzle, amaze, and step on you!"

A murmur of "Oohs" and "Aahs" buzzed throughout the crowd. This could be interesting.

"For my first trick," he began, "I will be locked inside that box," he pointed to the rather large crate that sat next to him, "by my guest assistant, Jo Jo."

Suddenly, a strange-looking creature jumped out from behind the crate and waved to the audience. "Howdee!"

"Please note how the box has no way of escape," Fluke said as he approached the crate to bang on each of the sides. He then picked the crate up, and the bottom fell off. "Eh..you can ignore that," he continued, placing the crate carefully back down upon the bottom that had fallen off. "Now...watch, and be amazed as Flukizmo! Master of Magic escapes from the Box of No Possible Way to Escape!" He opened the lid of the box and stepped inside to sit down. We all watched carefully as Jo Jo, The Monkey Boy closed the lid atop the box and locked a series of several latches.

Some shuffling could be heard inside the box, as well as an "ouch!" or two. Before long, Fluke let out a frustrated yell, and stood, which lifted the box up off of its bottom again. He threw the top half of the box at the wall and opened his mouth to say something vulgar, but then realized he still had an audience. He smiled, and held his arms out professionally. "Ta-dah!!!"

Jo Jo broke the silence of the room by clapping, "Nice goin', boss! That was great!"

"You suck!" a youngling shouted.

"Thank you, thank you," Fluke replied with a bow. "My next trick will require the assistance of an audience member...Master Yoda! Would you be so kind as to come to the front?"

Yoda grunted, and he rose from his comfortable position in the back to hobble up to the front. "Use your monkey for this trick, why don't you?"

"He's allergic."

"Allergic to what?"

"The trick, of course," Fluke said with a grin. He pointed to an X that had previously been taped onto the carpet. "Stand there, if you will."

The small green Jedi stood upon the piece of tape. "Dropping an anvil on me, you'd better not be."

Fluke chuckled. "Rest assured, Master Yoda, I'm not doing anything like that. I'm going to make you taller."

"Need to be taller, I do not...but for the sake of the younglings, I accept."

Fluke spun around a few times, waved his arms, and did a lot of "magic" stuff that I can't explain. He finished his little chant by shouting, "Flukizmo!" and throwing his hands in Master Yoda's direction.

A burst of giggles erupted from the audience.

"You doofus! Swollen, I look!"

Fluke scratched his head. "Hm...That shouldn't have happened." He snapped his fingers, and suddenly, Master Yoda changed again. "Do you feel any taller now?"

"Look any taller, do I?"

"Nope." Fluke snapped his fingers again. "How about now?"

"..."

"I'll take that as a no." Snap. "How about now?"

"Not funny, this is!"

Snap. "Now?"

"STOP! Do, this will! Come closer, would you? Not very good, my aim is."

So as you can see, it was a very eventful show. Poor Fluke...he didn't manage to be as successful as he had hoped with magic. He did, however, put on a very entertaining comedy. I hope he'll come back to do it again, even if it does risk putting blaster holes in his robes.

Padawan Memoirs: Trouble in the Temple (Part Three)

2005-08-15T16:36:00.000-05:00

[We follow the rapidly-moving speeder of Darth Lemur, in which the Sith Lord and the Jedi Master Puss duke it out with lightsabers, whilst the driver tries not to run into anything...]

PUSS: Give up! The dark side is bad for your fur!

DARTH LEMUR: ...[lightsaber clashing commences]

[Suddenly, the speeder jerks, sending PUSS into the air. The Jedi's lightsaber is throw from his...paw..and hurdled down into the endless cityscape below. PUSS, however, manages to catch the edge of the speeder, and he clings to it for dear life, all while yelling something in a foreign language at the driver of the speeder. Quickly, he regains his composure and climbs back onto the speeder, now weaponless.]

DARTH LEMUR: [He approaches his foe, lightsaber in a position to strike PUSS down.] ...

PUSS: [in a whisper] This calls for some drastic measures.. [Desperately, the cat glances back and forth to see if there was something that could aid him. Seeing nothing, he resolves to the only action that could possibly work in this situtation. The Jedi slowly removes his trademark hat...]

DARTH LEMUR: [lowering his lightsaber] Awww....

PUSS: [Using this temporary distraction to his advantage, PUSS uses the force to pry DARTH LEMUR's lightsaber from his hands, despite the fact of it being a tad bit large for him.] Ha ha!

DARTH LEMUR: [It would seem he is defeated, but seeing as he is of the Dark Side, he does have to make a cheap attempt to come back. Being the lemur that he is, he bounds up into the air in a very lemur-like manner, and he flies right into our Jedi friend, landing a swift lemur-kick right in the nose. PUSS, not having a firm grip on the larger-than-him lightsaber, drops it as well. Now, both of the combatants are lightsaberless. DARTH LEMUR quickly follows this move up with a force-push, knocking PUSS completely off the speeder..]

PUSS: [He tumbles down, down, down, and he soon disapppears into the mesh of flying vehicles, never to be heard from again. An evil cackle echoes throughout the traffic of Coruscant, and at this sound, the Jedi now knoe he fate of their dear friend.]

---

Master Puss...he was a very skilled Jedi, and nobody really knows what happened to him. All we know is that by through his effort, Darth Lemur had disappeared yet again. We haven't heard from either ever since that eventful day.

May Master Puss continue to rest in peace..

As for Darth Lemur...well, whenever he makes his next appearance, he'll rest in pieces.

Padawan Memoirs: Trouble in the Temple (Part Two)

2005-08-13T13:11:00.000-05:00

Darth Lemur. He had attacked only twice before, each time brutal, but a long time had passed in between each attack. The first time was in person. The second time, by way of thermal detonators

And this time...mice! Each attack gets progressively worse!

Master Yoda knew the little vermin weren't going to get rid of themselves, so he called all of the Jedi in the temple forth to take care of them, led by our best Jedi...

Master Puss just also happens to be the best-suited for the job.

---

[A few Jedi can be seen traveling down the vast corridor of the temple, looking for the last of the mice. One of said Jedi is a young-looking blue twi'lek, another being a young padawan with a man who looks to be his master, and a small cat..]

AAYLA: Mice like coffee, right?

OBI-WAN: [waving his cheeto bag back and forth] What about cheetos? Or beer? Or WWE Smackdown!? Wait...we're looking for mice? I hate mice! [he skeptically glances back and forth]

AAYLA: [gives OBI-WAN a strange look]

OBI-WAN: I-I uh...I hate them because they..um..because Master Yoda hates them. Yeah, that's it!

PUSS: Silence! [ears twitch in the direction of the wall.] Do you not hear that sound? [he crouches down low and sneaks towards a small hole in the wall..]

QUI-GON: Um..that's like, not possible for Obi-Wan, man. His ears are all waxy.

PUSS: [in a whisper] Cheetos! [He extends his paw towards Obi-Wan, who reluctantly hands him a single cheeto] Get your lightsabers ready..[He sets the cheeto down a few inches in front of the hole and dives to hide behind a conviniently-placed plant, followed by the other three Jedi.]

[Some shuffling can be heard just inside the hole, and soon, a small furry creature emerges from the hole. It looks at the cheeto, sniffs it, and turns back around to face the hole. It squeaks, and a few more furry creatures run out to join their friend.]

PUSS: [still whispering] Now! [he jumps out from behind the decorative plant and in front of the hole from whence the mice had come.] Pray for mercy from Puss in boots! [hushed voice] ..and friends..

[PUSS, AAYLA, and QUI-GON have now formed a circle around the mice. OBI-WAN appears to have climbed to the top of the decorative plant, letting out an occasional quiet, whimpering noise.]

MOUSE # 1: (censored)

[In no time at all, the three Jedi have roasted the last of the mice with their lightsabers..]

OBI-WAN: [climbing down from the plant] Well, that was easy.

QUI-GON: Too easy, man.

PUSS: Behind you!

[Our Jedi heroes(and heroine) turn around to lay eyes upon their worst nightmare--Darth Lemur]

DARTH LEMUR: ...[he remains silent as he activates his lightsaber..]

QUI-GON: Padawan dudes, go find little man! [he and PUSS both take battle-ready stances]

[AAYLA and OBI-WAN take off in the opposite direction to locate Master Yoda, while the fight commences between the Jedi team and the Sith Lord. They exchange blows for awhile, neither side managing to strike the other. It is only after the quick-on-his-feet PUSS attempts an aerial assault that he manages to deliver a lightsaber gash into his foe's arm. Somewhat crippled, the Sith Lord cries out in pain and backs away from the two Jedi. It is then that the creature makes a mad dash for the window, leaping through the glass and into a speeder that apparently, had been waiting for him.]

PUSS: No! [he races after the lemur, taking a similar leap into the Sith Lord's speeder just as it takes off...]

QUI-GON: ..Go on without me, man! I haven't had enough brownies to even attempt to attempt an attempt at a jump like that..

[At this time, the two padawans return with a small green Jedi Master]

YODA: Miss something, did I?

---

Will Puss be successful in bringing the evil Darth Lemur to his knees on his own? Tune in next time...

To be continued...

Padawan Memoirs: Trouble in the Temple(Part 1)

2005-08-12T12:29:00.000-05:00

Several years ago, the Jedi Academy encountered a small problem. Many small problems, actually. Small problems that pooed everywhere; mice.

Master Yoda proposed that they must have been sent to the temple by a Sith Lord of some sort, because Windu had the entire area sprayed for rodents countless times. There's no way an ordinary rodent could get past all the mouse traps and the hazardous spray. These were dark times for the Jedi. Not only would the little vermin leave their happy pellets all over the council chairs and whatnot, they'd chew on pretty much everything. Socks, lightsabers, interior decoration plants, toothbrushes, coffee mugs, refridgerators, underwear...all of a jedi's daily neccesities.

Something had to be done about the issue, so Master Yoda had the padawans each try and catch a mouse so they council could question it. "See me with rabies, want to, you would not. Know where they have been, I do not. Touch them, the council refuses. Besides, immune to mice diseases, padawans are."

If you ask me, I'd have said he was afraid of mice.

Anyways, catching the mice became sort of a game for the padawans...and it was far harder than we'd imagined it to be. Those things are like Waldo in those Where's Waldo? books. They blend in with everything. I was one of the few who actually managed to coax one into my hands by my own method of offering it cheese and coffee. How could it possibly resist?

When I brought the mouse to the council, Master Yoda was standing behind his chair, peering around it at the rodent I had brought. "In the cage over there, put it please." He pointed to a cage that was sitting in the far corner of the room. He didn't come out from behind his chair until the creature was locked securely in the cage. "Now, interrogate it, we will," he declared as he gave the mouse a glare.

---

YODA: Now, sent by whom, were you?

MOUSE: [Blank stare} Squeak.

YODA: Lies! See through you, I can.

MOUSE: [licks itself]

YODA: Such an obscene gesture, tolerated, it will not be! Sent by whom, were you? [His lightsaber is drawn]

MOUSE: [It scurries about its cage, taken aback by the lightsaber. Finally, it stands up upon its hind legs and sticks its nose into the air.] Squeak.

[A murmer of gasps cascades about the room]

YODA: [He clutches his forehead] Forsee this, I did not. Meditate on how to deal with this, I will.

---

Nobody was expecting that. Me, especially. The return of the ancient Sith Lord, Darth Lemur? It seemed almost impossible.

That night I went to sleep in my mouse infested room on my mouse-chewed bed, tormented not by the rodents that nibbled at my toes, but by thoughts of Darth Lemur's return.

To be continued...

Birthday Present for Jar Jar

2005-08-11T14:22:00.000-05:00

The only bad thing about Tatooine is that I don't have a present--or any creds to buy one with--for the Mabbitt's comic relief, Jar Jar. But that's completely alright, because as soon as he gets home, there will be one waiting for him.

My cousin Lola has been working as an...entertainer for quite some time now. You know--she sings and dances and looks pretty at parties and other events, as most twi'leks do. She's really very good at it.

So Jar Jar, when you get home, you'll find her waiting there to give you some belated birthday company. Besides, you need a lady. And now, without further adieu, my lovely cousin Lola...

(You'll need to scroll down.)

You're in for a real treat, Jar Jar.

Really, it was the least I could do.

She's been wanting to meet you ever since she saw us on the premiere of Survivor: Tattooine.

Keep going. Lola's waiting.

Almost there!!

Voila! The beautiful Lola!

Happy Birthday, Jar Jar! :)

A Movie To Watch

2005-08-10T13:29:00.000-05:00

Pirates of the Federation has always been a favorite of mine. Not only does it have a spectacular plot, but Orlando Hamill and Johnny Ford make a spectacular team. Also, they're quite the eye candy.

The story takes us into the life of young Luke Turner, a lovesick moisture farmer whose father, unbeknownst to him, is the deceased Pirate Lord, Darth Vader. The woman of Luke's fancying, Elizabeth Organa, is kidnapped when the captain of the Black Falcon, Barbooku, invades Port Eisley in search of a possesion that can free him and his clone crew of a horrible curse. The former captain of the Black Falcon, Han Sparrow, is a witty pirate who was thrown into carbonite by his crew, escaping narrowly by a chance of luck. The marrooned Sparrow made his way to Port Eisley, where he joined forces with young Turner to embark on an exciting journey to rescue both the lovely Elizabeth Organa, as well as Sparrow's love--the Black Falcon.

It's an excellent film, and I would definitely recommend it to those who have nothing better to do than to sit back, whip out the cheetos, and watch television.

Padawan Memories: Fortune Cookie Day

2005-08-09T11:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't had a fortune cookie in a long time...the last time was back when I was a Padawan, on Fortune Cookie Day. That was back when Master Yoda decided to write fortunes and put them inside the cookies. He couldn't get any of the local restaurants to give them out, so he established a Fortune Cookie Day in the Jedi Temple.

Once a month, he'd leave a fortune cookie at each of our doors. They'd say things like, "Fear leads to the dark side", "Get new socks, you will", and "Slaughter many sand people, you should not." Useful stuff.

Mine, however, was sort of...different. When I cracked open that fortune cookie, the slip of paper inside was as follows:

A visit from a wookie? I doubted that would happen, considering that there were few wookies in the Coruscant area.

But the very next morning, as I was shopping for groceries with a few of our attack clones, I saw a wookie.

I stand corrected.

Shortly after that, I began to see wookies everywhere.

On a theatrical poster..

It was a very good production,actually..

On a visit to a country called "USA" on the planet Earth to negotiate with their King...

I had no idea wookies were politicians.

While I was there, I had to use their currency..

I never saw any Twi'leks on their money.

On a board game...

He ended up being guilty, too.

At Obi-Wan's grandfather's trailer park...

I see the family resemblance.

A historic painting...

The Chewna Lisa

A wise old friend of Master Yoda's...

Yoda had been trying to break him of the death sticks habit.

And finally...

Caught them in a closet in the temple. Shame. I think the woman was a senator...

Strangely enough, Master Yoda discontinued Fortune Cookie Day after that. I guess he ran out of ideas...

Padawan Memories: The Social

2005-08-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

I remember the first time someone slipped a bit of alcohol into my coffee as a Padawan. It was at a Jedi social to celebrate our success, seeing as many of us were about to begin the trials.

I'd thought it tasted strange at first, but the padawan sitting next to me, whose name was Obi-Wan Kenobi, told me he'd fixed up a "new flavor" for me. I had just met the fellow, and I didn't want to seem rude, so I drank the entire pitcher, even though its taste wasn't very pleasant. Besides...he was kind of cute..

Before I knew it, the entire room was spinning, and I began to see little people were flying around in sneakers.

Like on those weird shoe commercials that come on television in between soap operas.

I recall many odd events occuring that night. One of said events was a bunch of stormtroopers showing up. Another was a few of the older Jedi bringing in their favorites pets and having them "duke-it-out" on the table.

It was actually somewhat entertaining..that is, until one of the cats lost a tail, which went flying onto Master Windu's head(He was there to "oversee" the social..good thing Master Yoda was there to oversee the overseer of the social). Then it was really entertaining. He wore it as if it were a tiara for the duration of the evening.

That was a fun way to spend the night...though I woke up feeling more or less queasy. I had the feeling I was about to ruin the new paisly pink carpet Master Yoda had just gotten laid throughout the entire temple by way of stomach fluids. I had no regards as to where I was going, but I knew I had to find a bathroom. My eyes were on the floor the entire time, and when I began to see tile, I knew I was in a safe-zone. I practically nose-planted into the toilet.

After spending some time coughing up much of what I had eaten/drunken the previous night, I stumbled out of the stall. It was then I realized my fatal mistake.

I hadn't thought to check which bathroom I had entered.

Needless to say, I did my best to shy away from alcohol after that.

Wanted: ....Anakin?

2005-08-03T18:25:00.000-05:00

Tatooine is just full of surprises.

There's no way Anakin could have slaughtered an entire tribe of sandpeople. Nope. Not little Ani.

Someone want to explain this to me?

Family Photos

2005-07-31T20:43:00.000-05:00

Shortly before I came to Tatooine, I do seem to remember taking a glance through the old photo album again. It's been awhile since I've shared the "family photos", so here's some eye candy for you:

Jar Jar playing innocent after letting some gas loose, while poor Uncle Quiggy tries to ignore the foul stench.

Obi-Wan before he ditched the mullet and grew a beard. *Sigh* ...He's so dreamy...

No Windu, no.

Master Yoda caring for Qui-Gon shortly after he was born.

I took this at J.J.'s housewarming party after Anakin had had a few cold ones, and he decided to dress up in Padme's clothing.

Obi-Wan, going through the "rebel" stage most young padawans experience. Here, he is sporting pigtails and a tattoo that reads "fragile".

I'm not sure where or how I got this, but it looks like a projection hologram of Anakin, Master Yoda, and some old guy who bears a striking resemblance to Obi-Wan. Perhaps it's his father?

Fluke, building his tribute to Master Yoda at the annual Dagobah sculpture contest.

J.J. in the "Star Wars"(still not sure what it is)aisle of Wal-Mart, before he got into the whole Jawa-robe thing.

Fluke having a "special moment" with Leia...

Trust me, there's a lot more where that came from.

Concerning Potties

2005-07-26T19:50:00.000-05:00

I left the comforting shelter of our R & R cave last night to get some fresh air after awakening from a rather frightening dream. I'm surprised nobody else was awakened by my disturbance, because I'm pretty sure I stepped on a number of different body parts on my way out.

Said dream had me shaking in my tentacles. In my distracted stage of shock, I nearly walked into the cave wall, which nearly knocked down the stash of cold ones, which nearly woke everyone else up.

I suppose you would like to know the finer details of my horrid nightmare. Here's a play by play:

It was a beautiful day, as far as the smog-filled atmosphere of Coruscant goes.

Too bad I was stuck on toilet-duty.

The shifts are supposed to change from Jedi to Jedi "randomly", but I get the feeling the whole system is rigged. I had never seen Master Windu stuck in the bathrooms scrubbing potties. Come to think of it, no one from the Jedi Council(save for Obi-Wan)had ever gotten toilet-duty. I made a mental note to bring it up at my next summoning.

Not that using a poo-covered toothbrush isn't a glorious pastime. It's just that I'd thought the council would have been able to scrape up a better means by which to clean the potties. They couldn't possibly be on such a low budget, that all they could afford was a toothbrush labeled "OB.1.K.OB"(must be a brand or something). Maybe it's all just some sort of training.

As I was roaming from one toilet to the next, I could have sworn I heard somebody singing. I thought nothing of it at the time. I had convinced myself it was Master Windu's radio, which he sometimes carries with him to listen to on the potty. Occassionally, he'll forget it and leave it in the stall.

As I drew nearer to the source of the music, I was getting more and more annoyed by the sound of it. Finally, I came to the point where I could take it no longer. After seeing no feet beneath the stall walls, I burst through the unlocked stall door of the middle stall. It was then that I saw the most petrifying horror one's eyes could behold.

What he was doing there, I'll never know, but a nothing-but-undies Anakin was standing on top of the toilet seat, singing at the top of his lungs, as well as doing some weird little jig. It reminded me of something I had seen on Barney as a child. He stopped in mid-song as soon as he saw me. "Oh, do you not like this song? Here, I'll do my 'If Only You Knew the Power of the Dark Side of my Love' routine!"

Then I woke up. Thank the force. If I had continued to dream, who knows what would have happened in the potty room of doom.

Anyways, after a long walk outside, I managed to "shake it off". I couldn't go back to sleep, however, so I took a short trip to the Ooteeni's camp to "decorate it" with a few rolls from their toilet paper stash. I felt better after that, and I returned to our camp to get a full night's rest.

Internet Artist

2005-07-25T08:21:00.000-05:00

My laptop and I were spending some quality time today(not searching on Ebay to order things to cheat with on Survivor:Tattooine, mind you. I'd never do something like that!). Well, anyways, I came across an interesting website. It said it would take your picture online! I never knew that such technology existed, so of course, I had to give it ago. The results shocked me..

You'll need to scroll down..

Are you sure you want to see it?

It's actually quite ridiculous...

Like that one time the Jedi Council played an April Fool's Day prank on me..

I remember it so clearly...

It was really quite mean...

They duct taped me to my wall in my sleep...

It's not my fault that I'm a heavy sleeper...

Anyways...here it is:

I get the feeling it's supposed to be a joke...but...

I don't really look like that, do I?

Off to Tatooine

2005-07-15T14:41:00.000-05:00

After finally ridding myself of my aunt and her bantha herd(once again, I'm terribly sorry, Uncle Dooks), I've recieved an invitation to head over to Tatooine for awhile. In fact, a lot of the other Jedi in the temple have as well. We're going to be competing in the Jawa-hosted Survivor:Tatooine™. I'm so excited!

Since we're only allowed the clothes on our back, a lightsaber, and a luxury item, I don't need to worry about packing. All I need to worry about is what luxury item to bring. So far, I've got it narrowed down between two items: my coffee maker and the ice cream truck my aunt left at my place. I think the ice cream truck would be preferrable, considering it can provide shade(not to mention ice cream).

Anyways, I'm so glad I was placed in the Mabbitt tribe. Not only is Mabbit a fun word to say, it's also the name of my cousin's ex-boyfriend's mom's wookie's vet's baby's toy doll. How cool is that? I also get to be on the same team as my boyfri--er....I mean, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
I'm quite happy with the way our team turned out. Fluke rescued me from Jabba one time, so he should be a great guy to be around for such a long period of time. We also get Qui-Gon, whose brownies, I'm sure, will keep us going. Palps and Grievous...I suppose can live with them for awhile without *accidently* hurting either of them.
And Leia! Glorious, wookie-sending Leia! This will definitely be fun.
Oh, and who could forget Jar Jar? Thank the force we have the comic relief on our team(though I heard somewhere that they were the first to go.)

Well, I'd better be off now. Wish me luck on Survivor:Tatooine™!

Blockaded

2005-07-13T12:46:00.000-05:00

My aunt has yet to give up the fight for the position as my "roomie." There's no way I'm letting her back in. Besides, the injured Obi-Wan's staying here, and I'm worried about the effect her banthas will have on his health.

Aunt Aggie's slipped a few death threats written on paper beneath my door, some demanding her ice cream truck, other demanding to be let in. I'm not falling for it. Besides, the baby wookie(Anastasia--I'm not a big fan of her name, so I call her Anya) Leia sent me likes to play WWF Smackdown with Kenobi inside of it--Anya usually wins. It's kind of cute, actually. She ends up standing on his head, shouting something about him being the first to go when she takes over the universe. Kids say the darndest things.

Anyways, seeing as we're trapped in here, I've had plenty of time to think of ways to rid myself of my aunt. Obi's been quite helpful.

Me: "What do you think I should do?"

Obi-Wan: "Wrbbblllle?" *druel*

Me: *giggle* "No, I mean about my aunt."

Obi-Wan: *stupid grin* "Brrrwaar!"

Me: "Too obvious.."

Obi-Wan: *another stupid grin* "Mwuaaaaii?"

Me: "Makes sense. She does need a man."

So, we've decided to give her a picture of Count Dooku. I know she was a big fan of his back when he was a rock star, so she'll probably leave immediately to pursue him.

Sorry, Dooku!

Angry Relative

2005-07-12T15:40:00.000-05:00

I feel kind of guilty doing what I did to Aunt Aggie...but then again..

List of Grievances:

She fed my freshly grown coffee beans to Franford.
She left her knickers on my pillow. (Must be a new trend, leaving underpants at my place)
The broken sink.
The tiny advanced civilization growing in the bantha hair clogging my bathtub drain.
Her annoying habit of eating with her toes.
The way she rides her banthas around the living room.
Last night, she had her second-favorite bantha, Alejandro, stand on the kitchen table to tap dance.
The Alejandro-shaped hole in the middle of my kitchen table.

I lost track after that.

Well, this morning, I had decided that I'd had enough. After my aunt had gone out with her banthas to allow them to raid Obi-Wan's cheeto stash(seeing as he wasn't there), I locked her out.

I think I've made her angry. I keep hearing things banging(quite loudly and obnoxiously) againts my walls, as well as my door. Also, I'm pretty sure I heard some vulgar language. I dare not try to leave.

I'm a bit trapped. She's got banthas at every window and door, and I don't want to hurt her, or her pets. A little help?

Aunt Agatha

2005-07-10T20:19:00.000-05:00

My dear Auntie Aggie lives in a remote area on Tatooine, so she never gets to see much of anyone. She is currently residing in an abandoned ice cream truck with her bantha farm. Today, however, she decided to bring all of her banthas, as well as the ice cream to my place. It would appear that word got out to her that my room is completely remodeled.

Don't get me wrong, I love the lady to pieces.

Who couldn't love a face like that?

..But, sometimes she can get just the teensiest bit annoying, especially when she randomly decides to temporarily move in with me(She always says she'd only be visiting for a few days..she ends up living with me for a month or so.). She doesn't do this to anyone else in our family. Perhaps I'm her favorite?

Well, it all began when I arrived home from the Coruscant Spa(Padme always drags me along with her when she goes). I was greeted by the smell of wet bantha fur. At first I thought that Mace had left another one of his robes in my closet in exchange for some of my clothing, but then I heard some noise coming from the bathroom.

"You're a smelly bantha, yes you are! Yes you are, my wittle iggy biggy Franford...No..no! Don't touch that! Aayla will--" "Oops.."

There, in my bathroom, bathing one of her prized banthas in my bathtub was Aunt Agatha. Only Franford had escaped from the tub...and had torn my sink from the wall. In attempts to draw my attention from the broken sink, my aunt greeted me with a spine-crushing hug.

"Lala! You've grown so much since I've last seen you!" she squealed. Lala. I've always disliked that nickname.

So many things went through my mind right then, some of which being-
'Oh no. She did not just call me fat.' As well as, 'Is that my toothbrush in her hair?' and, 'Is that Vibro Axe she's wearing?'

Anyways, I didn't want to be rude or unwelcoming to her, so I just smiled and nodded like an ewok in front of an oncoming speeder.

"I hope you don't mind my dropping by. I'll only be staying for a few days." See? Told you. I had the feeling I'd have to get used to Auntie Agatha and her banthas.

The sink incident wasn't even the half of it. When I went to my closet to get my pajamas for bed, I couldn't find them. It must have been because her ice cream truck was stuffed inside there. How it got in there, I'll never know.

Also, just as I was about to go to sleep, I found my *dear* auntie snuggled up in my bed with one of her banthas. The others, including Franford were scattered about on the other furniture, as well as the floor. That left one place for me to sleep--outside.

I don't think I can take this much longer...and she's only been here a few hours.

Temptation

2005-07-08T23:36:00.000-05:00

While I was on my way to JawaJuice's place to stea--er..I mean..buy..a few of Uncle Jinn & J.J.'s Homemade Super Fudgy "Special Spiced" Brownies(which, by the way, I am by no means addicted to or anything)when something fell down from somewhere above me and hit the windshield of my speeder. It startled me quite a bit, and the Cocoa Vanilla Chip Latte smoothie I was drinking splattered everywhere. Don't ever spill one of those. It gets in places you didn't realize it could get--such as the fuzzy dice you may have hanging from your rearview mirror. Anyways, I wasn't too happy about this. I was cruising open-hooded, so the smoothie got on the exterior of the car--which I had just gotten waxed.

Well, the first thing I saw after the mess of my Cocoa Vanilla Chip Latte smoothie was this...cat-like thing on my windshield.

I then felt a sudden urge to slaughter sand people and younglings. Fortunately, the temptation passed as the kitten flew off my speeder due to acceleration.

Now, I have a Cocoa Vanilla Chip Latte smoothie scented speeder.

I've determined that felines are of the Dark Side.

Starbucky

2005-07-07T17:53:00.000-05:00

Remember that coffee plant that uncle Qui-Gon gave to me? Well, it's grown quite a bit within this short time since I've recieved it. I think it may be because I don't water it. I coffee it. Seeing as it is a coffee plant, it only makes sense.

Well, anyways, I can now extract the coffee beans that grow on it to make my own special blend of coffee! It isn't all that strong yet, but I'm thinking I could start my own business with it or something. I may hold off awhile to manufacture it until it grows a bit bigger--kind of like I held off on naming it. I've decided to name it Starbucky(not after Fluke, of course, but after the coffee shop. Sorry, Fluke!)

Maybe I could annex my business with J.J. and Qui-Gon...I'll definitely have to speak with them about this..

Time to Cheer Up

2005-07-06T10:58:00.000-05:00

I slept in yesterday, seeing as my wake-up call of Fluffy biting me on the nose was not going to occur anymore. I spent most of that morning sulking...that is, until Obi-Wan came by. He had brought a little Ewok named "Dude" over to cheer me up. At first it was kind of cute, but then it started eating the carpet and everything in my refridgerator. It also decided to take a swim in the aquarium. Not cool, Dude.

Well, sometime during the visit, the little fellow went off somewhere. I was still a bit glum, and even more so at the sight of my half-eaten carpet, so Obi-Wan took me out "clubbing" in downtown Coruscant. It wasn't a date or anything...just something to do to cheer me up.

The place we went to reaked of wet bantha fur...He said the smell would fade after a few cold ones. He sure knows a lot relating to beer. Anyways, as we were sitting down, a strange little man hobbled up to our table and looked straight at Obi-Wan. In a hissy, gargly voice, he asked, "Wanna buy some death sticksss?"

"You don't want to sell me death sticks."

"I don't wanna sell you death sticksss.."

"You want to give me death sticks."

"Here, have some death sticksss."

At first, I was appalled that he had used a Jedi Mind Trick to get free death sticks, but he later showed me that death sticks make very nice plant fertilizers. I had no idea that he knew anything about gardening.

After a few hours out on the city, we went back to the temple. I had to admit, the trip did keep my mind off of Fluffy. Thanks, Obi-Wan!

Glamor Shots and Public Transportation Woes

2005-07-04T17:27:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I took Fluffy to downtown Coruscant to get some glamor shots taken. Here are a few of the shots:

...Standard close-up

...Silly

..Tough guy

...Face Paints/Sequins

...Seductive

As you can see, they all came out quite nicely. Unfortunately, those are the only thing left of my little plant. On the way home, Fluffy died. At least...I think he died. All I know is that he fell out of the speeder. Poor guy.
This was one of the few times I decided to take public transportation, too(my speeder's getting a wax). Pity...I was beginning to get used to the little fellow.

Now I know why everyone at the Temple is so against public transportation.

Slumber Party: the Morning After

2005-07-01T11:29:00.000-05:00

Wow. And I mean W-O-W. Wow. I suppose it's hard to catch all the little details about the slumber party, so I'll give you an outline.

4 PM: Obi-Wan arrived a bit early...four hours early to be exact. I hadn't seen him in awhile, so I didn't expect to see him as baked as a potato. Yum...I mean..yum about the potato. Yeah. Potatos. I love potatos. He was also quite beefed up...I suspected he was taking steroids, but those are against the Jedi code.
He had brought along a bunch of goodies(not, of course, referring to the tan and masculinity), some of which being hula hoops...so we played "throw the hoop over the beer can"--which, let me tell you, is a lot harder than it looks.

5 PM: Yoda arrived to "inspect" the place before the party. He went into the bathroom for awhile first. I could have sworn I heard water running, as well as a muffled voice singing "Rubber ducky, the one, you are..." During this time, Obi-Wan whipped out the twister mat. I still wasn't comfortable with playing that game (ever since my spat with the wookies), but he was very convincing (puppy dog eyes, pretty-pleases..you know..all that jazz). Yoda soon came back out, a bit wet. He claimed the title of "spinner" yet again. For some reason, Obi-Wan kept knocking me over. He apologized by saying, "Guess I don't know my own strength."

6 PM: Jawa arrived early as well, saying he needed some help with unloading food. He brought a whole Jawawagon full of baked goods. Where he had the time to bake all those, I'll never know. He said something about Qui-Gon baking it all, which I think is ridiculous. Dead people can't cook. He also kept talking to himself. Maybe he's spent a bit too much time by himself.
It took us about half an hour to finish unloading and setting the food somewhere.

6:30 PM: We blindfolded Yoda and played "Pin the Illegally Pirated Merchandise on the Jawa".

7 PM: Padme and Sabe also arrived early. Sabe said that Padme wanted some extra time to "spruce herself up", so they went straight to the mirror in the bathroom. I guess that's all the rage....arriving early to use my bathroom. Now, it was still an hour before the party actually began, and since I had early company, I handed everyone a feather duster to do some last-minute cleaning. Obi-Wan looked like he was having trouble, because he kept straining himself to reach around things every time I came near...it kinda looked as if he were flexing. I'm still confused as to why he would need to flex to dust. Weird.

7:45 PM: Padme and Sabe came back out. They had matching fuzzy pink pajamas. Twinkies!

8 PM: Leia, Fluke, Anakin, and Mace arrived. Mace was wearing a cone on his head that said "Happy Birthday!". I guess he forgot his wig or something. Anyway, Fluke brought a giant stereo system, which he temporarily installed almost as soon as he walked in the door. He explained he wanted us to listen to Dooku's first rock album. I think he just wanted to play air guitar, but hey, they both led to the same thing--a rather large argument between he and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan wanted to play classical music, and Fluke wanted Dooku's rock.
It's a good thing Yoda was there to supervise, otherwise things would have gotten out of hand. He sent them both to time out.
Leia went to join Padme and Sabe, who kept glancing in Anakin's direction and giggling. I think it was because he had found Obi-Wan's case of beer and hula hoops. He jumped onto a table and started hula hooping while trying to balance a bottle of bud light on top of his head.

8:15 PM: Obi-Wan and Fluke were allowed out of time out, and at this time, Han, Chewbacca, Bariss, and Siri arrived. Mace then took poor Siri against her will and gave her a piggy back ride around the temple. Bariss & I joined Padme, Siri, and Leia to play limbo...We couldn't find a pole, so we had Anakin and Obi-Wan hold Fluke up.
Han caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass of a beer bottle and stopped to admire himself for awhile.
Chewbacca went to play checkers with Yoda.

8:30 PM: Obi-Wan and Anakin started ramming their heads against the aquarium to see who could break through first. In attempt to make them stop, I threw one of Jawajuice's platters of cookies at them. It was then that Obi-Wan and Anakin simuntaniously yelled "Food fight!". I didn't mean to start one, but I guess what goes around comes around. Food went flying everywhere. It was around this time that Mace and Siri got back. Siri immediately went running to Padme( who was taking shelter from the food fight behind the couch) to get away from Mace. Amazingly, she didn't get hit by any food.

9 PM: Jar Jar arrived a bit late. He was greeted at the door with a cupcake..in his face. He then went to hide somewhere until the food flinging was done. When it was, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Jar Jar had a contest to see who could eat the most of the food on the floor from the food fight. It was kind of gross, but if it means less of a mess I have to clean up later, I'm (as Anakin would say) "down with it".

10 PM: Dooku arrived, saying something about trying to evade a "Lord Sidious" in order to get there. He then caught sight of the stereo and ran over to it to turn on some waltz music. He grabbed Mace, and they began to dance. I thought it to be quite humorous. When the song ended, Dooku ordered the rest of us (with blue sparks emitting from the ends of his fingertips) to find a partner and waltz. It didn't take long for everyone to jump up and waltz. Fluke began to approach me, but Obi-Wan took a running dive to push him aside. Let me tell you, Obi-Wan is a horrible dancer(don't tell him I said that). He kept stepping on my feet and bumping into other people.
Anakin and Padme, on the other hand, seemed to really know what they were doing. I never would have thought Anakin to be able to waltz..

10:30 PM: Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator made a special appearance. Padme, Sabe, and Leia started screaming like crazed fangirls, and they practically tackled him to ask for his autograph. Anakin slumped down in a couch to pout/give Jon menacing glares.
It was at this time that Bariss contacted Qui-Gon with that board game thing she brought, or whatever it was. Qui-Gon kind of just floated around, shouting "Boo!" when he came behind someone.

11 PM: Jon left in a hurry to evade Padme, Sabe, and Leia. Pity...it must be difficult being an Intergalactic Gladiator. Things started to settle down, so Mace ran over to the DVD player to put in his favorite DVD--The Notebook. I just knew someone would bring it. All of us females and Mace were sprawled out right in front of the TV...well, Obi-Wan joined us. He did this weird yawn thing that ended up with his arm around my shoulder. I'm sure that was accidental.
Fluke, Jar Jar, Han, Chewbacca, Anakin, Yoda, Dooku, and Jawajuice weren't big fans of The Notebook, so they shied away to play Red Rover. Qui-Gon's transluscent body just kind of hung in between. Poor guy. He looked kind of torn between watching The Notebook and playing Red Rover.

1 AM: The Notebook ended, and by this time, Siri(it was way past her bedtime anyway) and Sabe had fallen asleep. The Red Rover Group had started up a game of Hide-and-Seek, so the rest of us went to hide. Han was it. I think he peeked while he was counting, because he found everybody within the minute.

2 AM: The cold ones were brought out again, and everyone was quite "party-harty". Except for those sleeping--who were now Siri, Sabe, Chewbacca, and Jar Jar(in the aquarium..how he got there, I'll never know). It was around this time that things started getting fuzzy. I do seem to remember Anakin stripping down to his underpants and yelling "Undie bowling!", however.

3 AM: The room started spinning at this time, and I'm pretty sure that there were scottish folks in kilts running about...or maybe that was just Obi-Wan and Mace...I'm still not sure.

3:30 AM: I think I fell asleep at this time.

As you can see, that was quite the kicking party. I'm not sure what happened after I fell 3:30, but I woke up in a coat hanging from a hanger in my closet, and I'm pretty sure I didn't fall asleep in there.

I'm positive I missed some interesting things that went on...can anyone else recall some amusing anecdotes?

Redecoration Update 3

2005-06-30T11:02:00.000-05:00

At last, redecoration is finished! It looks quite nice, actually.

Oh, that reminds me...Qui-Gon gave me this lovely coffee plant for decoration...and I guess to grow my own coffee. Nifty.

...and since everything's all finished, everyone is welcome to come on over for the slumber party tonight.

I didn't think the guys would be so opposed to sleeping in the bathroom. I mean, it's clean and all...It even has one of those Glade Plug-In things(vanilla cappuccino scented ^-^).
Since your objections were so convincing, I guess you don't have to sleep in the bathroom...

...You can stay awake with everyone else! :D

See you tonight!

Redecoration Update 2/Slumber Party!

2005-06-29T10:13:00.000-05:00

Alright, so the remodeling is coming along quite nicely. I'm almost finished!

Here's what I plan on adding:

...A fish Master Windu gave to me. (Are you sure it's a fish?)

I found this little guy in the slums of Coruscant, and I couldn't just leave it there. It's supposed to eat bugs and stuff, so it should be quite useful. I named it Fluffy.

Obi-Wan gave me this exotic-looking beer bottle. I'm still not sure what to do with it. I think I'll let it run around the refridgerator.

That's pretty much it.

And about that slumber party...since I'll pretty much be done with redecorating by then, it'll be tomorrow.

...And since it is coed, when time comes to sleep, the males will slumber in the bathroom. Hope you don't mind. :)

Here's a list of what you might want to bring:
1. Sleeping bag
2. Toothbrush (I'm not lending you mine if you forget it)
3. Your own toilet paper (that stuff goes fast. I don't plan on running out overnight)
4. Cold ones (Obi-Wan won't be very happy without any)
5. Chick flicks (The Notebook is always a good choice.)
6. Food. Lots and lots of food. (No cheetos, however. I don't want orange stains on my new carpet)
7. Anything else you can think of!

See you then!

Redecoration Update

2005-06-28T12:50:00.000-05:00

The remodeling is coming along quite nicely. Thank you to all of you who donated a piece of furniture or offered your expertise.

Here's what it looks like so far:

Lovely, isn't it? The aquarium adds a nice effect (thanks, Kit Fisto!).

I think I may get rid of that Sith Lord statue on the left. I got it in the mail from one of those spam things that bribe you to try and lure you to the Dark Side...You know..those boxes that say "Free Gift!". I figured I had to do something with it, so I temporarily put it there. Maybe I'll give it to Count Dooku for his birthday or something...do people his age have birthdays?

I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I've decided that as soon as I'm finished with the whole remodeling thing, I'm going to throw a slumber party. Everyone is invited!

I'll let you all know when I've added the finishing touches, such as that grand arch Fluke was talking about.

Until then! :)

Redecorating

2005-06-27T12:51:00.000-05:00

I was right about my room; the janitorial staff took care of it. Now it's nice and clean again. They even refilled my closet with all the missing clothes! Wasn't that sweet of them? The only thing is that they left the moldy underwear where it was. I don't blame them. I wouldn't touch that thing with a ten-foot-long pole lifted by the force. I really hope its owner comes and collects it soon, otherwise I won't be very happy.

The other slight mistake that the janitorial staff made is that they took all of the furniture, not to mention my coffee pot. I can't live like this.

Anakin offered me his spidey couch--

and Padme offered me her barbie canopy--

..But neither of them suit the room.

I'm pretty sure Ebay will have something I can use. Anyone want to make a donation towards my room redecoration?

Photo Album

2005-06-25T11:53:00.000-05:00

Seeing as they were scattered all over my floor, I decided to start with reorganizing the photo album...so I gathered all the pictures and headed to Padmé's place. Just thought I'd share a few:

Jar Jar last Halloween, when he thought it would be funny to dress up as a Sith Lord.

Senator Amidala and her good friend Elmo. Anakin's not the only man in her life.

...That one time Anakin fell into carbonite.

...Yoda when he was just a youngling. I'm not quite sure how I got this..

...When Obi-Wan decided to take up opera.

Fluke giving Yoda a piggy back ride.

I'll worry about the rest of my room later. I'm sure the janitorial staff will take care of it.

Why Me?

2005-06-24T00:50:00.000-05:00

After the party at a travelling pawn shop midget's place, we arrived back home--though I had some worries about the trip back. Yoda wasn't very sober...and neither was Fluke.

..But we managed to make it back in one piece. I went straight to my room to clean off my lightsaber and to sleep. When I arrived, I noticed something wasn't quite right. Maybe it was the wookie fur on my bed...or it could have been the half-empty beer cans and cheetos on the couch. Or maybe it was the way all of the clothes in my closet were missing(we need to have a serious chat, Master Windu)...not to mention the moldy underwear on the floor. I'd rather not know where it came from.

All the pictures from my photo album were scattered across the floor, and I'm pretty sure that every one of my DVD's with Sandra Bullock appearing in it were gone. A Jar Jar shaped faceprint was embedded into my wall...and a crumpled up twister mat with pink fluffy things eating brownie crumbs on it was nearby. The whole place looked like a bantha parade had run wild.

I think I'll just move in with Padmé. Temporarily.

Hutt Free

2005-06-23T13:57:00.000-05:00

After much waiting and watching the entertainment of Jabba's dancing servants due to Starbucker's use of the sporks...or was it the spores? Well, whatever he called it, I am finally hutt free--it took forever. I spent a lot of time using the force to bend Jabba's chains into unique shapes to pass the time. The last one I did looked exactly like Master Yoda...I would have kept it, but Jabba's fat rolled over it.

He seemes to enjoy sitting on my prized possesions.

Anyways, after Fluke gave a sappy speech, I was allowed free. Thank the force. I nearly fell asleep.(Don't tell him I said that...he might get all drama queenish.)

So now all we have to do is fly back to Coruscant. I certainly hope I didn't miss much.

...And I certainly hope Master Windu hasn't invaded my wardrobe again.

Situation on Tatooine

2005-06-21T12:21:00.000-05:00

I've decided I dislike hutts. With a strong passion. Not that I don't enjoy sitting next to a giant hunk of fat...but...I really dislike them.

This place smells an awful lot like Obi-Wan's lodgings--like something died and then things started growing on it. It's horrible. They don't even have coffee here.

I'm not sure of what happened to my lightsaber...but I do think I saw it protruding from beneath Jabba's bum. Gross. I'm definately getting a new one...that is, after I use it for escape purposes. I just need to figure out how to get that hutt to get off of it.

Fortunately for me, some "Founder of the New Jedi Order" wannabe came for a visit. He quite a nice job, actually, distracting Jabba for me while I picked the lock on the my neck cuff. I'm still unsure of why he made me wear it. What do I look like? A wookie?(no offense, wooklings)

Now I just need to get that lightsaber. I would try to pull it from beneath him, but I'm afraid it would break in half. Maybe I could try using the force to lift him. Then again, I'd rather not strain my mind that much. I'd probably have a seizure. I think I'll just wait until he makes his "stand of the day"--which is when he stands up to stretch.

I haven't been here very long, but I'm sick of this place already.

You would be too if you had to stare at that all day.

Ransom Notice

2005-06-18T14:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Jedi and other pathetic lifeforms,

I regret to inform you that Aayla will no longer be available to post here...that is, unless the ransom requirements at the end of this letter are met.

You see, a distant relative of hers owed me quite a large sum of credits. Unfortuantely, that relative is no longer living, and seeing as the loan was quite generous, I am determined to recieve that payment somehow. So, as your blue friend was sleeping, I had some of my servants...retrieve her. Of course, I had them take her weapons first. Wouldn't want an armed Jedi running loose around my courts, now would I?

Why her? Well, she was the only relative of his that I knew the wherabouts of. Lovely thing she is, too. Don't know why I didn't discover her earlier.

If you wish to see your friend alive again, I suggest you meet my demands:

Do three cartwheels
Follow up with the chicken dance
Oh yes...and...100,000,000,000 credits will do just fine. I accept cash, as well as personal checks.

If you fail to complete this task by...say...Monday, Aayla will be having an interesting go-about with the rancor monster living beneath my throne room.

I apologize for any inconviniences this may cause. Have a nice day.

Oh yeah, and don't try any rescue attempts or anything like that.

Sincerely,
Jabba the Hutt

A Note to Master Windu

2005-06-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

Please stop leaving your toupes on the floor. Younglings tend to slip on them, and when Obi-Wan has had a few beers, he tends to eat them. Not a pretty picture, trying to get a wig out of his throat.

I also found one in my closet. What it's doing there is beyond me. I certainly hope you haven't been stealing from my wardrobe again...and if you have, do not hand or machine wash them. Read the tag. Dry clean only!

Oh, and if you're going to wear wigs, at least glue them on correctly. Super glue works far better than scotch tape, despite what the label says.

Wookies, Twister, and Coffee

2005-06-16T11:13:00.000-05:00

Last night, Master Yoda had a slumber party. It was a chaotic disaster. He invited nothing but wookies. I didn't mind so much at first. They're good friends, and they wanted to have a bit of fun. It wasn't until Master Yoda brought out his Twister mat that I began to get just the tiniest bit peeved. They didn't have enough room in his chambers, so they moved the game into the den.

I do not like being interrupted during "I Love Lucy", so when the TV was blocked by a large wookie's rear, I was not a happy camper. I tried to ask them to move to another room, but they were so loud, nobody could hear me. One of them kept saying something about "hrbrrrrraar" (which, by the way, is completely and totally ridiculous. I did no such thing.) while he was trying not to fall over. (Right hand green, left hand blue, right foot blue, left foot green looked like a rather difficult position to hold.) It wasn't long before there was a wookie domino effect. One of them fell over, and then the rest of them were quick to follow. I was about to leave when Chewbacca invited me to play.

I told him, "I need to find another TV to finish watching I Love Lucy on."

"Hbrrrrwr!"

Never say no to a wookie. I was halfway out the door when the walking carpet picked me up, carried me back, and forced me to play. Master Yoda was so lucky he only had to spin the spinner.
"On yellow, your nose you must put."

I could tell this wasn't going to be very fun. It wasn't long before every limb of my body, along with a few other parts, was touching a colored dot. It wasn't very comfortable. It was then that my neighboring wookie's paw slipped on a hairball(which they had been coughing up all game long. Disgusting). I would have stopped it, but using the force is strictly against the rules when playing Twister. Finally, the wookie tumbled over, which in turn, caused the rest of them to fall. Unfortunately for me, I was the last to be knocked over--meaning, I was crushed beneath five wookies. I knew that was going to hurt in the morning.

I managed to escape and head back to my chambers--with great pain, mind you. That night I had nightmares of wookies and characters from "I Love Lucy" chasing me around a giant Twister mat.

When I awoke, I headed straight for the coffee pot to wake myself up, and ease the pains from the wookies. There wasn't any coffee in the pot. There were, however, wookie hairballs in its place. There weren't any coffee beans left in storage either. Just more hairballs.

I can only take so much.

I could live if I missed an episode of "I Love Lucy". I could even cope with bruised ligaments from Twister....but drinking the rest of the coffee?!? This means war.

Master Yoda, I hope you don't mind if I have a couple dozen ewoks spend the night. ;)

Not a Cookie

2005-06-15T08:15:00.000-05:00

I've recently been told that my "action figure" appears to be standing on a cookie. Just thought I'd distinguish...

Here is a cookie:

Another Cookie:

A decorative cookie:

A small wookie named Cookie:

A basket of cookies:

Girl Scout cookie:

Computer cookie:

Seasonal cookie:

And finally...

_______________________________________

I found an interesting flash film.

Grocery Store Wars

I had no idea such events occured in the aisles of the grocery store!

An Interesting Spoon

2005-06-14T13:16:00.000-05:00

I was pouring myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes this morning when one of these fell out:



I was quite confused by it, so I consulted Master Yoda, who said it was probably a probe of the Dark Side. You never can tell these days.

"Shaped like a spoon, it is. Cut off your tongue, it will, when activated it is. Deceiving, the many ways of the Dark Side are." He advised me to destroy it, which I really didn't want to do. It was just a spoon.

Just to be sure, though, I pressed the little button on the end of it. Sure enough, it lit up a bright red color, and when I put it in my cereal bowl, it cut right through the bottom. If the spoon-shaped hole in my bowl isn't enough proof, I don't know what is.

That spoon was a lot of trouble, even after I threw it away. Obi-Wan was digging through the trash to find his favorite pair of "tidey wideys", which *someone* threw away after tiring of the skid marks all over them. Unfortunately, he found it. Blasted little thing, that spoon.

Well anyways, he decided to use it as a beer keg opener, which wasn't such a bad idea at first...that is, until his hand slipped and sliced clean through the keg. Now there's beer all over the floor just outside Kenobi's room. It's all sticky now, so when you step in it, it takes a lot of effort just to pull your foot up. He calls it "floor film". Gross.

To make a long story short, I managed to get the spoon back after persuading Obi-Wan that I'd leave the "floor film" alone. Why he enjoys watching Yoda try to wade through it, I'll never know. What became of the spoon? I took my lightsaber to it and then sent it as a gift to a cousin of mine on Ryloth. He likes to collect that sort of junk.

I never got to finish eating my Frosted Flakes. :(

Action Figure

2005-06-13T13:05:00.000-05:00

I was looking for a new starfighter just this morning at WalMart(good place to go when you're on a low budget), seeing as some Padawan decided to take my old one for a joyride. I found quite a few cans of Coca Cola in the drivers seat, as well as stains whose origin I'd rather not know.

So anyway, as I was browsing, I came across this:




It looks remarkably like a Twi'lek, don't you think?
I looked on the back of the box, and apparently, it's supposed to be me as an "Action Figure", whatever that's supposed to be.

Honestly...it does resemble a Twi'lek, but that is definitely not a lightsaber she's holding...and are those streamers coming out of her hand? And what about that strange-looking notch on her shoulder? How appalling.

I'm going to see about e-mailing a complaint to the maker this "action figure". If I'm lucky, maybe they'll recall all of the little wannabes.